I'm Going to Continue My Story

Life has gotten busy.  In November, I'm going to finish the remainder of my Write 31 on this blog.

I went to the Poconos?!? / Manhole

Today I'm going to share two stories.  I only know bits and pieces of these stories.  

Both involve one of mom's friends from college.  Pete helped her out in the one of the stories.  In the other story, Pete took her, my sister, and I on a trip.

One of the stories Mom has told me is about the time my father was at disability camp or training.  I don't really know which one he was at.

Anyway Pete decided to take us to the Poconos.  So he came and picked us up and took us there for a guess a weekend.

Father did not know we were going.  The only person or people who knew were my Ohio grandparents.  

I don't know what we did there.  All I can do is tell people that I have been to the Poconos.

The other story Mom has told me is about my father walking around without his cane.  The town we lived in was doing construction and had manhole open.  

Father was suppose to use a cane when he was walking around.  However he decided not to use the cane.

Open manhole, blind man without a cane - What do you think happened?  Yep, he fell in the manhole and broke his leg.

Pete came up from Virginia to help because Mom had to deal with two toddlers and a man child with a broken leg.

Until next time,
Traci

The Bicycle

This is another fragmented story.  I have pictures in my mind.  However it is like a jigsaw.  The pieces must fit together but how is unknown.

We lived in Bunker Hill close to Jonestown in a house while I was a toddler. 

I have this photo in my mind of a tricycle or bicycle.  Knowing what age I would have been, it probably was a tricycle.

We had been out and about for the day.  Or maybe we were taking a walk. 

I had decided I didn't want to ride the bicycle anymore.

My father got so angry that he decided was going to sit on it and try to peddle it.  (He was a big man. - 6 foot tall and at least 200 pounds)

I don't think the tricycle was broken.

I sort of remember a car but I don't know how it relates to the story.  I don't think my mom drove.  She may have until a certain point.  

So weird of a memory.  

It just shows you how his anger took over.

Traci

And So It Began . . .

Since I was so young, I can't remember when the actual abuse began.  All I know is that it was somewhere between the ages of 3 and 5.

I spent the summer of being 3 with my grandparents in Ohio.  I don't remember much about the trip.  I've seen photos though.  In those photos, I was a joyful child. 

My grandpa, my great uncle, and myself at about 3 years old

Then it was back to Pennsylvania.  From what I've been told, my father lost his job.  His anger took over.  My stubborn but joyful self was an obstacle he did not like.

It may have been because I had been naughty.  It was the norm for children to be spanked in the late 70's and early 80's.  Okay not the norm but it was common.

Instead of a switch, he used his belt on my butt.  However since he could not see, he ended up hitting my lower back.  I was left with bruises.  

To this day, I don't like people to smack my butt.  It bothers me.

I have back issues.  I don't know if it was because of him smacking me.

Traci

Boxes

Tomorrow I'll begin telling stories of my childhood.  

A lot of these stories are stories that I've heard or fragmented memories.

I describe those memories as "Boxes."

A few weeks before my sister died, I went to a Goo Goo Dolls concert.  At some point after that concert, I got their newest album.  There was one song on the album called "Boxes."

"We'll have tiny boxes for memories

Open them up and we'll set them free

There'll be bad days and some hard times

But I'll keep your secrets, if you keep mine."

During the first weeks of mourning, I would play this song over and over and just cry.  

I can't remember all the memories from my childhood.  Some of the reason is because of my age.  It's also because my mind closed off some of those bad memories.  Although I can't remember all of what happened, there are a few memories from when I was nine that haunt my mind.

During the next blog posts, we are going to open up some of those boxes of memories.  It's going to be a tough read.

Please be gentle when you read those blog posts.

Traci

I'm no longer an only child

On a Sunday afternoon in September 1977, my life changed FOREVER.  My sister was born.  I was no longer an only child.  

There are so many holes in the story of her birth.  The biggest hole in the story is where was I while she was being born.  I've decided that at 28 months old I helped bring her into the world. 🤣

Here is what I know about her birth:

1. My mom went to church that morning.  She did not realize she was in labor.  Tanya was born on the toilet in a hotel room.
2. My paternal grandparents were visiting us.  My paternal grandma called 911.  There was an accident somewhere close by so the operator had to tell her how to aid in the birth.
3. My father had begun to walk home from the hotel.  My paternal grandpa had to go find him to let him know that Tanya was about to be born.
4. I've heard that Tanya was born early but I cannot confirm that.

Here are some photos of Tanya as a baby.

On Monday, I'll start with the story of when my life changed for the worse.

Traci

Baby / Toddler Photos

My grandma had photo books in her living room behind one of her couches in front of the big picture window.  I was not to touch those photo books.  There was an unwritten rule about the touching of those books. 

I knew how she felt about my father so that might have been why I was not to touch them.

So what was in those photo books?

Photos of me when I was a baby. 

I was obsessed with those photo books of me.  When she was gone for a long time, I would pull out those books and just look at the photos.

Maybe that's why I love photos and enjoy taking photos of my two boys.  I did not have the luxury of looking at my photos while I was growing up.

I'm going to share some of the photos of me from when I was a baby/ toddler before my sister was born.

Someone has told me that I was a cute baby.

I was a year old.  My aunt was being installed as Worthy Advisor in her Rainbow Assembly.  I was a year old in this photo.

Traci

The birth of Moi`

I born in May of 1975.

I've got to backtrack though to my mother's seventh month of pregnancy.  

Her only living brother was killed in a work accident.  She and I, in utero, traveled from eastern Pennsylvania to western Ohio via an airplane.  Uncle Bob was buried on my grandma's 47th birthday.  From what I've been told, it really tore my grandma up.

My original due date was suppose to be in late April.  I decided to be born 2 weeks later than expected.

Here are some facts that I know about my birth.

1. I was born in the same county of Hershey, PA hence my love of chocolate.
2. It was a Thursday.
3. One of the nurses was scheduled off at 3 pm but decided to stay until I was born.  I was born at 3:05.
4. The Sunday after my birth was Mother's Day.
5. My father announced at the church that I had been born.
6. I was baptized soon after my birth by my paternal grandpa.
7. If I was a boy, I would have been named Matthew.

Tomorrow I'll share some more photos of me from when I was about a year old.  Then the day after that I'll share my sister's birth.

My life until I was about 3 years old was not too bad.  We didn't have a lot of money but I was loved. Something changed when I was 3.  

Traci

Next Comes Marriage

After my mom left West Virginia Wesleyan, she moved back home.  By the time she left school, she was engaged to my father.  Once again when she was asked about the engagement, she does not remember how or when she got engaged.

They got married in Clairton, PA which is just south of Pittsburgh.  The church where they got married was the church my grandpa was serving in at that time.

She tells the story of how they were watching the parsonage during the winter before they were married.  It was so cold outside and the furnace went out.  The water in the toilet froze.

Their attendants in the wedding party was my two aunts and two other guys from the church.  Mom doesn't even remember their names.  She thinks one was the choir director.

For some reason there was two different rehearsals.  My uncle had to step in for my aunt.

After getting married, they moved to the Harrisburg area. Father had a lunch counter in a department store.  

Mom has told me stories about being stuck in her third floor apartment when Harrisburg was flooded during Hurricane Agnes.  I guess they were in the department store when the rain began.  A British lady kept telling the angels in heaven to stop peeing.

They did not have a lot of money so she started eating Chef Boyadee straight out of the can.

They also lived in Jonestown which is located in the same county as Hershey.

Then almost 4 years after getting married, I was born.

The story will be continued tomorrow.

Traci

What about my mother?

Vicki was born in December 1948.  

She is the oldest of 3 kids.  My uncle was born a year and a half later and then my aunt is 10 and a half years younger than her.

In between my uncle and aunt's birth, my grandparents had a stillbirth - Gregory.

My mom describes the neighborhood she grew up in as idyllic.  Her paternal grandma lived next door and her cousins were down the road.

My grandpa's siblings were close so all of the cousins grew up together.  My grandma and her brother were also close.  

When she was seven, I think, she was hit by a bus tire.  It was an icy morning.  Her school was one of the only schools in session.  The bus driver hit her.  She ended up breaking her leg and being in the hospital for a long time.  

Her family attended Concord United Methodist Church.  In fact that is where my grandparents met.  My sister and grandparents are buried in their cemetery.

As a child, she was part of a Girl Scouts' troop led by her doctor's wife.  When they were in 8th grade, they went to Washington D.C. as their last big event before disbanding.  Mom has such good memories of that trip.

She graduated from high school in 1967.  After high school, she went to West Virginia Wesleyan where she met my father.

She attended the college for two years.  During those two years, she met two of her best friends - Peter and Winston.  They are still friends after knowing each other for 50 years.

Some of my stories about my life involve those two men.

This a brief synopsis about my mom's life growing up.

Join me tomorrow so that I can share photos of my parent's wedding.

Traci

Meet My Father

After my mom graduated from high school, she attended college at West Virginia Wesleyan College in Buckhannon, WV.

Wesley Chapel at West Virginia Wesleyan College

While there, she met my father. 

My mom does not know when they met or how they met.  They were both in a sorority and a fraternity so maybe it was at a group function.  Maybe it was at the dining hall.  She has told me that I can make up the story of how they fell in love.

So who was my father?

Murray, my father, was the oldest of three children.  

He was born on Feb. 4, 1948.

One of my aunts was 2 years younger than him.  

My other aunt is 5.5 years younger than him.

He grew up around the Pittsburgh, PA area.  

His dad was an United Methodist minister and his mom was a stay at home mom.

He graduated from high school in 1966 and then began to attend school at West Virginia Wesleyan with a degree in psychology.  He ended up graduating from college in 1971.   

My father at about the age of 12

Then his life changed when the doctor's discovered a tumor on his pituitary gland.  He was a sophomore in college.  He had been studying when all of the sudden he couldn't see.  So a fraternity brother drove him back to the Pittsburgh area.

After his surgery to remove the tumor, he was left 75% blind.

Even before the tumor, he was an angry child.  At least that is what one of my aunts has told me.

His anger continued through his adult life.  

He was also very child like from my mother's reports about him.

I know very little about my father.  I wish I did know more.  Family history is important to me.

My grandma, his mother, told us very little.  We mostly heard about her 5 or so boyfriends prior to meeting my grandpa.  My grandpa died in 1992 so I never got to talk to him about our family.

Join me tomorrow for the continuation of my story.

Traci

Introduction

My Write 31 2017 theme is going to be difficult for me.  

It's going to put me in a vulnerable state.

Please be kind while you are reading the words of my life.  The cross I've had to bear.

It's finally time for me to share this cross.

Twenty years ago, I  spoke about this cross at one of my college classes.  The professor sat me down and asked me not to talk about it anymore because people don't know how to talk to me after finding about my cross that I carry.  How do you talk to me?  As a normal person because that is what I am.  A normal person.

Last year, I asked Why?!? after my sister died suddenly.  I think I figured out some of the answers to my question Why?!?

I believe God wants me to share my adversities and the fact that I overcome them.  

This is me.  I'm a survivor of childhood abuse.  

Or as Mandisa says 
"You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You're not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when He reminds You
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer"

I had overcome the abuse.

Join me on this journey but be kind.  Only kind words will be accepted.  

This is me!